It’s time to break out the world’s smallest violin. I’ve been reading here on wordpress that a particular blog called “The Stuff White People Like” is getting a book deal through Random House publishers. Sure it’s been going on longer than my blog, and it’s a lot more interesting, and people find it really funny or offensive. But I can’t keep on thinking why not me? I can be offensive and I don’t even have to try really hard. But it’s that kind of offensive that makes people laugh that people really want read about or put their hard earned cash towards. All this time I’ve been thinking of ways to get people to look at my blog and get interested when all I had to do was start writing, funny yet offensive things. I’ve been such a fool. Without further ado I give you

“The stuff Japanese people like”

#10 American women.

If I could go another day without seeing a commerical for Cameron Diaz using Japanese cell phones or another promo for Avril’s new CD it would be a good day. For one thing, Cameron Diaz is getting old. She’s what 60 now. But in Japan 60 is the new 40 or so they’d have you believe.

#9 Hip-hop

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Japanese people love hip-hop. You can see groups of wannabe gangsters and rappers at every Tsutaya or Ministop (Translation: Blockbuster Video or Circle K). Most of the kids here can’t put together a cohegent sentence in English, but they love to listen to it anyway if you put a nice beat to it.

#8 Listening to Americans curse.

 I’ve had many a conversation with Japanese people and if it should so happen that a real curse word should come out of my mouth (by accident of course) well it would just get that Japanese person tickled pink. ”It’s like I’m in a Movie” is the response I got once from a Japanese friend of mine.

#7 Eating Whales.

It’s not something you think about everyday in America, but Japanese people love to eat whales. They think it is their God given right to do so. I once tried to argue that it is wrong to eat certain animals because they might go extinct and that it was a simple matter of numbers. The rebuttal I got was “It’s food culture.” So in other words it’s tradition. I can’t argue with the fact that it is a part of Japanese culture. If Japanese people want to eat “Shamu” I’m not going take the chopsticks from their mouths.

#6 Hating on the Chinese

If anything Japanese love more than eating whales it is Hating on the Chinese. You think white people like to complain about immigrants taking their jobs – well the Japanese can hate on Chinese people for everything. Now it is true that the Chinese make about 97% of everything in the world. Just turn over any 10 products in your home and look at the label on the botttom and you’ll see what I mean. China makes everything. Well recently there have been a few tainted food problems with gyoza (chinese dumplings) and it has been causing quite a stir. Every news station and newspaper had to report on it. If anything wrong happens in Japan, Japanese people can trace it all the way back to China in an instant. Doctors incompent - must of given some bad chinese medicine to his patient. Kids behaving badly - they must have eaten some bad chinese candy.  Got yellow sand on your clothes – it must be those Chinese again making those winds blow from the Gobi desert.

#5 Manga (Japanese comics)

Everyone in Japan either loves comics or at one point in their live they did love comics. I can go up to any random Japanese person on the street and ask them what managa do you like and they will give an answer in a reasonable amount of time. You see it everywhere. If you want an to study for the test to become a civil servant, there is a manga for that. If you want to learn how to do simple home repairs, there is a manga for that too. And it’s not just a simple illustrated guide. Thee is even a manga for women who marry foreign men and have a baby. I’m not joking at all. I saw it and read through it at the bookstore just the other day.

#4 Traveling

Most Japanese people have been to more places than the average American person. I know this because I asked them. They’ve been to Hawaii, New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Mexico, Paris, Turkey, Italy, Spain, Germany, Sweden, Holland, Saipan, Macau, Taiwan, Korea, China, Vancuever, Tornoto, Indianpolis, Boston, Australia, England, New Zealand, Africa, Peru, and Brazil. How many of these places have you been to? Not many I think unless you’re a military brat. But even with all the traveling they do the average Japanese person does not know who to have a normal conversation with a foreignor. I have met a few who do, but for most travel is just about picking up souvenirs. The ones who do have made close friends with foreignors and are a pleasure to talk to if you ever get a chance to talk to them.

#3 American TV shows

If you ever want to strike up a conversation with a Japanese person. Just ask them if they’ve seen “Prison Break”, “24″, “CSI”, “The 4400″, or “Lost” and they with tell you all about their favorite character and what was the last season and episode they watched. They also love “Full House”. It’s scary, but true.

#2 Eating raw stuff

If ever you go to any formal kind of party in Japan, be prepared for the possiblity of eating raw or possibly moving things. There is a food dish in Japan where they eat live squid. Now I’m ok with eating raw fish, I’ve become accostumed to it, though I still prefer cooked over raw, but eating my food while it’s still alive is not very appetizing.

#1 Rice

It’s true. Japanese people like rice. Not only do they like it, they love it and use it everything: rice paper, rice cakes, rice balls, rice wine, and rice gruel. If you go to a Japanese home you will be asked if you like rice. If you don’t they will be put in kind of a bind. “What can I feed a person who doesn’t eat rice?” I have no problem with rice. In fact I eat it almost everyday. Some Japanese people can go so far as to tell you where the rice is from in Japan, just by tasting. But that is truly rare. However many Japanese people do have a preference for one kind of rice over an other. Also most have a particular hardness or softness of rice that they like more.