I’m not a dead dog.

Posted by: yearofthedog on: March 29, 2009

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After a long hiatus, I’m back. Here’s the lowdown. OWLS didn’t put a hit out on me, so rest assured I’m hunky-dori. I returned to America around Christmas time like all good little English Teachers should. It’s been a little over three months and I’ve done a lot of relaxing. I’ve read a ton of books, watched all the new releases at the cinema, saw all my friends, and even found a little time to work on my book. I’ve got three of at least twenty chapters done, but enough shameless plugs. I’ll give you the information you really want to know. How does it feel to be back home. The first month I kept saying, “It’s great to be back.” The second month I said, “It’s good to be back.” And now three months later, “I want to go back.” Not to stay, but maybe for a long vacation. I miss Japanese food. I miss my friends in Japan, even Travis and his business ideas. I miss my ex. I miss the way the clerks at the convinience stores made huge efforts to give me excellent service. I’m lucky if I get a please or thank you here. Will I go back? Someday I will, but I want to be rich before I do. Or at least enough of a bigshot so I can get a visa without having to be an ALT or some other kind of monkey. It might take a year. It might take ten. I don’t know. Mostly it depends on how soon I can get a bestseller written. I don’t know if my first book will be one, but I can dream. I’ve been submitting stories to writing contests in hopes of pulling in some much needed cash. I’ll let you know if I win any. 

I recently got a used car thats been nothing but problems since day one. And stupid me I bought it “As is”. The lemon law couldn’t save me from this one. I’ve had to put in over $1,250 in repairs. One of the so-called repairs is broke again after only a week. I want to take it back to the dealer and run him over with it and just the park car on top of him as a memorial. “Here lies a used car salesmen – may he carry on his back the weight of all the junkers he unloaded on good people for the rest of time, Amen.” 

To drown my sorrows and frustrations, I bought a 360. For those of you who don’t know, I won’t explain. You’re on the Internet. Look it up. I also got SC4 to go with it. I’ve been playing the crap out of it ever since I got it. The only complaint I have about it is that there are too many whiney teenagers on there that love to moan when they lose to me. Eventually I found the mute button, but not before being called cheap a million times over. Death threats from cracky voiced tweenies don’t scare me. “I’ll kill you and your family! Ahhh!! You suck!” is what they say. So eloquent. It makes me want to smack them upside the head and sing, “Read a book. Read a book, read a mxtherfxck|ng book!” I love that song.

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Things that don’t suck about being in America: a nice comfy mattress, Chipotle, Taco Bell, BBQ, thick steaks, reading signs effortlessly, driving, not being discriminated against for being American, telling jokes in English without having to explain why it’s funny,shoes that fit, Dr.Pepper Icees, Papa John’s Pizza, Sitcoms, TV in general is a million billion trillion (MBT for future reference) times better. 

Things that don’t suck about living in Japan: The girls aren’t fat in Japan (It’s a cow fest here), Yakitori, Chicken Nanban, Fresh Miso soup, Sukiyaki, Shabushabu, Gyudon, Okonomiyaki, Japanese documentaries, cute Japanese girls in volleyball uniforms waving at me, izekayas, reading manga in Japanese, being a local celebrity, maccha, bentos, good sushi, walking in downtown Fukuoka, riding my bicycle on a nice day, having a close-knit community of foreigners for friends, a Dandy – chocolate ice cream dipped in bitter chocolate and covered with a chocolate waffle, Meiji chocolate covered almonds (the ones here suck), and random Japanese weirdness.